i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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