this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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