It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
