Me. At least after what I've been through.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
