It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
