i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
