this beer tastes like vomit already
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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