someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
