Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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