Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
