I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
