I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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