I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
