wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
