She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
