is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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