If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
