She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
