"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
