I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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