take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I die, sorry about rent.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
