I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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