His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
