Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
