Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
