so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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