so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
