I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i think i just lost a toe
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
