White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
