I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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