I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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