Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
