so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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