she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize
