While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
