I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
