Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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