If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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