nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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