areolas are like halos for boobs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
