Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
