I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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