that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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