I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
