so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
