is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
there is glitter all over my balls
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
