I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
