What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she smelled like a LAN party
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
