How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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