My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
