if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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