Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
