I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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