Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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