South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
