And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
