I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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