Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
