carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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