Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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