Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She bit a glass in half.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
