Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
