I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
