why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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