My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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