im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
