i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
