Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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