am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
